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Success, Failure...some of my greatest failures have been a springboard to my greatest successes...the terms are truly fluid.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Winning and Losing....

Well, let's see, since the holidays started I lost my precious Uncle....he died just before Thanksgiving. I never had more then two so now I am down to one. I gained though alot of precious cousins I had not seen in ages...some since 1979!! I finally got around to putting up my Uncle's art and his handsome portait from his high school days and feel in some ways closer then I have in a bit...if my uncle and I weren't close lately it was all my fault...I felt embarassed to see him since I had been so happily married when we used to hang out...after the divorce...I felt oddly like I was a failure and had let him down...made me feel guilty to see him even though he is a great guy who never once showed the slighest judgment or concern...he was pretty good about figuring people knew their own lives better then he did.

I also lost my job that week and I guess my health. I had no choice but to quit after being told my illness was not being helped by the conditions at my job. I was uncomfortable to say the least but I oddly felt glad I had not been imagining my pain or my symptoms. I had to go in to Promptcare twice and the Emergency Room once to get some real details in what was up. Surgery was discussed but pushed off until January, at the present, to wait until the holidays are over. Maybe at that time, I will have some idea of health coverage.

The positive to losing my job is that I suddenly wound up with Thanksgiving off, the last two weeks of classes to bring up my grades (and boy, did I need finals off...they were rough this term!), and also time at home for the precious...I spent days crying under a hot pad but how delicious to be home!! Making things...sewing, knitting, gluing, and baking...just being with Mike and Ann is nice too...I can cry watching chick flicks with Ann..we keep hankies handy since we are both absoutely lovely!!

I brought my grades up from the bruising they had taken from my excess hours on the job....I had also found myself feeling much better physically the more time I spent at home.

This holiday season I have no money to buy presents. But let's be honest...everyone I know can buy themselves what they want...but I can make things from I am making a small handful of presents...just for those I love...I gave a new baby in my life a hand sewn green gnome doll...and her mommy some fun little gnome knitting needles I glued together myself. I am making baskets of good cheer that I have been working on for a bit...a few cans of apple butter...candles decorated with beeswax figures we made...stuff like that...very personal.

But I can't help but feel so many levels of my Christmas at home before going to grad richer and deeper...maybe it is the deep appreciation of life here at the house...or the job and all the wonderful people I was privileged to see daily...either working along side of them or waiting on them behind the counter.

Anyway, just as this year was winding down it seems to be tossing me a super pleasant surprise that has me completely off guard...I do not have a clue what it means yet but I am definitely happy with the direction this year is headed in at the finish!!

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