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Success, Failure...some of my greatest failures have been a springboard to my greatest successes...the terms are truly fluid.

Friday, February 8, 2013

A Charmer....

So how does this happen?

To be sure when he figured out I was not just on shaky ground about us...he was surprised I think...I don't think he had expected me to slam the door closed and lock him on the outside...I am such a cheerful sort...

But I was so Upset with a capital "U"...I was so sad...crushed...grief stricken...and all those other words that mean more then "bummed" know...the realm where optimists like me shun...

He had no idea while he was dealing with a grief stricken family and the loss of his beloved grandma that I was spinning off in my own direction....a sad one to be sure...

So he sent me a kind text...and we texted for hours...sort of like how we originally got together, switching from buddies to more.

For 2 days I could not talk to him...but I finally called...and melted like butter at hearing his voice and his laugh. It is his laugh that gets me, like his super power.

I am trying to keep him at arm's length while I process what happened.

He is a great guy. But to be honest...I am afraid of how excited I was/am about him.

I was willing at one point to throw aside my carefully laid plans of grad find work here at home and live happily ever after...

We had talked about raising chickens, (I love fresh eggs....remember my real profession is a housewife-we like fresh everything!), growing food and maybe even getting a cow someday...something I always have wanted...pigs and a cow.

All of that poppycock is gone now...evaporated like a puff of air.

And I feel like it was silly to even let my heart control the mind knows that the only way to a future where I can travel and move forward includes grad school and moving away eventually...none of this settling down here at home with someone nice and living again.

But gosh, he sure sounds nice on the phone....this weekend we are going to try meeting again and seeing if we still feel as right as we did before our blow up. He seems confident we will. I want to believe such things are possible.

Where do men get such amazing levels of confidence in things? I wish I could speak so forthrightly about emotions and life. I have to admit one of my favorite masculine traits is how much they seem to "grab the bull by the horns" and "know" rather then "think".

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