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I can't get over my luck!! This life is one absolutely awesome adventure!! Can it get any better than this?

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Surprise Text...

So I was basking in completing something...my first completed grad school application.

I am on my way to even more student loan debt...but perhaps a future too where I can pay for them and afford a life where I can play and travel once in a while.

I also was enjoying my reporting gig...I am now a Crime Beat Reporter...so there are things to do now...

I carry my camera all the time now..playing reporter.

I was just starting to like myself again when I found a text from him.

I actually cringed when I saw it...afraid to open it...Wow...such a crazy place for me to be since I am usually a bit more aloof then that...I am not usually so scared...I am more confident...I am a Sonora High School Grad...that school pumped out confident sorts of all ages....but I was afraid to open this text...here was what I had been hoping for, wanting for days...pining for this guy...communication...my only super power if I was a super hero is my words and I had stopped sending him words....and here was a gift from him, precious words from him...

I opened it to find a quasi-apology...and a casual sounding exchange...like all was only vaguely rocky between us...

I fumbled through my texting...desperately tapping away at the tiny keys, "Can we be friends again?" My hands were shaking...I wondered if this was what an addiction feels like....

His words  were clear. "Yes, I've had my processing time. Friends are good, I'm torn with the feeling that I can't be your friend because I like too many things about you."

I ran into the bathroom sobbing. My 11 year old was happily chatting with his sister in the other room and I could not upset him with this or admit how emotional I was over him...

I was overwhelmed as I carefully spelled out friendship terms that I could live with...it seems his world has centered around his grandmother's death...it happened smack dab in the middle of things...

My poor frail heart just was happy we were in communication at all...but it wasn't ready to be in the fray again at all...I felt tentative and careful...like I was afraid of him now...he had bitten me in ways I would get rid of a beloved dog over...as Scotty from Star trek says, "Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice shame on me..."

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