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Success, Failure...some of my greatest failures have been a springboard to my greatest successes...the terms are truly fluid.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

My Dream Book....

So I have a way of dealing with life's uncertainties.

When things seem out of control and my stomach feels out of sorts, I know it is time to focus instead on what I want. I find at each change things get....uncomfortable...and I crave some idea of what I want. When I am out of touch with what I want in life it seems like sometimes I even get what I have been asking for and I don't even see it since I wasn't at all sure of what I wanted from the Universe.

In fact in truth, I find that most of the time for me...when I am not sure of what I want...all sorts of things turn out to be what I was asking for or thinking about or praying for with out knowing it...that I really did not want in reality.

I think of it as trying to live consciously...I have to admit though that it might not be anywhere near the right way to live or anything but it is my way...and I am sticking with it for now...

This is the time when I pull out a Sketchbook I bought before Europe.

The first pages are filled with pictures I drew with my son using colored pencils of our walk in Santa Cruz that was a main focus of ours before we left. Last time I was there a year ago drawing these images...we had no idea we would not be returning to our life there in SC....there they are...the soft color of colored pencils drawings...an otter lazily floating on the water...a lighthouse in the distance...that was my daily reality before our trip...so I drew it...

I also had pasted in 15-20 postcards with images I thought were fun...for me there are the usual things...I carry in my wallet a picture of Albert Einstein sticking his tongue out...a Tibetan monk making a peace sign while wearing sunglasses and a free Tibet pin over his official sacred looking garb...reminding me that Spirit is fun...fun is Spirit....

Steve McQueen is sitting atop his motorcycle in 1963's The Great Escape to remind me it is OK to try stuff...I scribbled a line from Van Halen's song..."Go ahead and jump...might as well jump!"

I left many blank pages and found myself filling them in with Spencer as we flew around Europe or rode in buses...or walked around...or sat in airports...or in a lovely Welsh Police House. We drew with the colored pencils in little metal tins we dragged all over Europe...I wrote a poem I learned in the Abruzzo from my friends there about September and the time of the Sheep Migration.

I wrote about what we were doing...what I wanted to do and what we had done...

Before grad school...I have to sort of refocus...what do I want? So I am going to spend a bit dreaming....with my sketchbook...and it makes me feel, I don't know...calm...and nice...and I read it when I feel unsettled...and I feel better....

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