I did it!!!
This is a big deal to me!
I wrote about one of the top most emotional days of my life....a day my Ex-husband and I held in a secret lock and key mode. A private moment that changed our lives forever.
It is strange to think that I can have such experiences when you realize I am in my school library....fog outside my window indicates I am very close to the ocean. I am wearing a suit and scarf..heavy wool coat off for the moment tossed over the back of the chair. As I write this the Arabic words are rolling through my head for all that I am writing. But I am focused on English for the moment.
I just printed out copies and punched holes in the new lists of vocabulary words I will add to my growing list of words to study in this beautiful language that I can now say and understand. Arabic speaks to me in such a lovely manner. It is shocking how differently each set of us humans can communicate with one another.
I look like a together scholar. Perhaps because I am. I was asked directions by a man of comparable age when I was getting out of my car a few minutes ago. We talked while I led him to his much needed building. He didn't think I was a student. He thought I was a teacher here.
I kind of feel different here. I am not at all the sleepy little housewife who seemed to always get embroiled in political stuff back home.
I don't think I would be tossed aside by authorities as easily any more.
I know I am still that loving housewife of so many years ago who was simply working on her community in an effort to create a world she wanted to count as healthy and happy for her kids....but I am a much more solid person at the present.
I can reveal my innermost secrets and not lose power but gain from it instead. I feel as if my deeper awareness of who I am and what I believe has made me a stronger presence then I was before.
I still bake bread and cookies. I still glory in a well mopped and polished floor. I like to tidy the granny squares on my couch at the end of the day. I also care about what I am wearing and what sort of me I present to the world.
But I am also a stronger business presence as well. I don't simply look like I have a clue.
I am positive I do have a clue now. Not about everything of course. Some days I haven't a clue about anything at all. Those are my favorite days of all to be honest. But I know what it is like to walk through fire and look back on it with a wiser more spiritual view.
I also know what it is like to soar to great heights and feel the wind under my wings.
I wrote about a crushing and important moment in my life. I had my Ex husband read it and give me feedback. He said I wrote about it eloquently.
All I know is that day that our lives changed forever turned out to be a blessing for both of us. I was happy in my old life but perhaps I was not all that I was supposed to be yet.....today I feel much closer to that Terri....the one I signed on to become. If he had not been himself that day....I might not have found the Terri I am now....and I really like this version of me.
I guess the bottom line is that I am grateful that I experienced that day so I could get here to today, in this library, in my dream school.
It was one of the worst days of my life but in a lot of ways it was a gateway to here....which makes it one of the best days of my life...thank Goodness he was brave enough to venture out and be himself and help us both move to where we needed to go. I almost feel like he made an investment in our future by biting the bullet that day.
Please consider buying my story, Coming Out Into The Light...it is $2.99 on my bookstore but it is only the first chapter....the rest will be bundled together but this one stands alone....