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Success, Failure...some of my greatest failures have been a springboard to my greatest successes...the terms are truly fluid.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Patterns and Paybacks....



I am realizing some patterns. The more fretful and worrisome I get the worse my health and the slower my accomplishments...but the more I sit back, and trust...the better everything flows....

So I am amazed at how things unfold....it is like that story from the movie The Secret...you only need to see 200 feet ahead of you as your headlights illuminate the road at night...no need to see every detail of the drive you are embarking upon, right?

Too much of the time I get myself into trouble desperately trying to plan out every detail...without realizing I am never going to be able to do that...

Today I fell back into my school mode...though a case could easily be made for never having fallen out of it for the Christmas holiday. I read articles aloud in Spanish learning all the news of the day...I meditated on success and ease...then I did something I never do...I usually leave all fashion stuff to my sisters and Ex Hubby...but today I researched out what I would want to wear if I were in my dream jobs that I am studying for in my future...

I looked at Brooks Brothers suits...the top of the line, never-owned-one-because-they-are-too-expensive styles...the Ann Taylors that haunt my dreams...I found out what sort of heels are fashionable now-a-days even though I always favor flats since cheap suit or not, I am prone to run...and heels slow me down.

I went this route instead of hunting down housing that is less cold and more suitable because I felt strongly that my obsession with action was slowing me down.

Yesterday I found a lovely 3 bedroom place that is bigger, warmer, more cozy and sooooo much closer to my school that I would probably walk it every day...perfect for a roommate or two and vastly more affordable than the place I have now that had a leaky and expensive bath...terrible washer and dryer and the coldest interior I have experienced since staying a few days in Strawberry, high in the Sierras....

But I cannot constantly force stuff to happen...when I take my eyes off the ball it seems to fall into my glove...so this morning I am engaging in frivolities...I am not out of bed...it is before 7 am and yet I have played and relaxed and dreamed and enjoyed...instead of fretting and worrying.

I have been having side adventures in school realms with a few buddies that I can't divulge anything about but I can say it is much more fun to take a hands on approach to trade and economics than by studying them from afar...I have found that I have acquired useful skills while delving into my colleges...I can pour through government documents with ease...assess global finances effortlessly through my foreign policy lens and generally really walk into things that used to be way over my head...and still have a clear eyed view!

I can't wait until I start earning money and paying back my school loans...I lived a long time before college and didn't acquire these polished skills so I owe it to my professors of the past and future to be delighted as I pay all this back someday soon!

I am still baking cookies, (yesterday it was pecan shortbread snowballs in honor of Aunt Winnie!) but I can also stretch out in other directions too....

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